The Internet: Serious Business.

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 21:47:02 GMT

This is perhaps the greatest piece of literature in existence.

I kid you not.

Here it is, seven pages of pure gold.

This is glorious.

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 23:36:34 GMT

WHITE NINJA
please be my internet friend

you cooking? yeah dude.

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 01:56:05 GMT

PORK CHOP SANDWICHES!!!!!!!111

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 02:10:24 GMT

I blacked out today in school.

It was surreal.

This is serious business, after all, it's the internet.

This is a test of humanity.

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 02:08:08 GMT

If you aren't laughing, you fail.

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 04:46:28 GMT

They Might Be Giants

9.22.04

The world makes sense again?

Cliff hasn't been "all right" since the Lunar War...

Let's challenge his shattered view of the world.

(I like to rock your face)

-end transmission

...could I get any weirder?

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 22:13:43 GMT

hey does anyone know why the hell i'm so good at disco?

oh and by the way im back from choate.

oh and by the way again nobody fucks with the jesus.

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 14:08:07 GMT

happy birthday to me.

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 23:04:38 GMT

haha im at choate.

i love italian people.

it's all gone

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 00:46:10 GMT

i cut it allllllllll off.

i feel nekkid.

when they come for me...

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 20:48:36 GMT

...ill be sitting on my desk with a gun in my hand wearing my bullet proof vest singin' "my my my how the time does fly when you know you're gonna die by the end of the night"

my neck hurts from all that skanking

good show

turn to the left and give up your dignity

Wed, 26 May 2004 23:49:17 GMT

i went to get a physical today, and so here is chris' odyssey of the day:

i left school at 10:05 because my doctors appointment was at 1:30, it made sense to me.

i got there and after reading for 5 minutes about how celebrity moms interact with their children i was called in.

they scaled me, measured me, and told me to strip down.

the hot nurses must have been absent that day.

a non-hot nurse came in the room and asked me if i minded if a student of my regular doctor's examined me.

i could have been this man's father.

he wore black leather birtkenschtocks with grey and blue socks.

he asked me no less than 100 questions, all about the intricacies of my life.

he suggested diet soda.

he talked about safe sex as if he's never had it before.

i was prodded and poked and strapped.

i was forcefully disrobed.

he left, so i left.

i got home.

the form i was supposed to get filled out and bring home was left there, and i was supposed to stay and get shots.

i had to go all the way back.

a different, more sexually appealing woman gave me two shots.

tetris and helpertitties b.

then i went to eca.

the end.

oh, and i couldn't pee in the cup for them.

i told them i was dry.

i can't pee under pressure, like tyler durden.

so they lost.

we are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

Thu, 06 May 2004 01:03:37 GMT

(she looks like heaven, maybe this is hell)

I THINK I'LL HAVE MYSELF A WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHH

OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

O OHHHHH

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHH

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OHHHHHHHHHH

O OHHHH

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

O OHHHHHH

YEAH YEAH YEAH

A WOO HOO HOO

reel big fish .6.15.04.

take me on. ill be gone.

chris bruno revealed

Sat, 24 Apr 2004 00:59:09 GMT

quick, look everybody.

i've summed up my physical existence with 5 easy questions.

and here are the results.

and as a sign that i truly have no thought of my own...

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 23:24:52 GMT

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions. Ask anything you want. Then go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

........it's offical, i've become very lame.

*panic and list reasons to justify yourself*

im bored.

im just doing this to fill up space.

i swear i haven't sold out, it's just for this one time.

the man with the very shiny shoes stole my brain.

...thanks to becca for making this look so appealing.

a weema wek

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 02:38:50 GMT

i bought the soundtrack to rushmore.

...

KILL WHITEY.

i'll make sense next time, i swears. i swears on the precious.

picture time!

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 00:04:04 GMT

yesterday and over the weekend i was messing around with my camera, the results are as follows.

y tambien...

y la ultima...a picture i shot at a smyrk show ahwile ago

dosn't everybody love my lovely photography??

well actually savana took the first picture.

but i'm gonna take the credit for it, thanks savana.

skools for fools

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:44:08 GMT

mr. fontela isn't here for the second day in a row, someone up there likes me.

this is the product of my free time(googlism style):

my penis is all about privacy
my penis is just fine
my penis is bent to one side
my penis is curved to the left like a banana
my penis is so small
my penis is too big and i'm hurting her?
my penis is too small i want a bigger one
my penis is orange
my penis is law
my penis is very big
my penis is really small" by aaron galbraith
my penis is green'
my penis is computer brain
my penis is on fire
my penis is not up where?
my penis is too small
my penis is hardly ever
my penis is bigger then yours
my penis is sore and unsightly
my penis is small?br> my penis is bigger than yours
my penis is bent to one side topic area
my penis is curved to the left like a banana topic area
my penis is fine
my penis is shedding
my penis is very big and most girls are to afraid to do any thing with me
my penis is 12" hard 8" soft 5" around i think that i am to big for my age but my gf say she like me to be bigger
my penis is really small
my penis is green
my penis is green url
my penis is sore
my penis is in your butt
my penis is so dry
my penis is not up where? my penis is not up where? double whammy
my penis is frothing at the mouth
my penis is often quite small
my penis is generally smaller
my penis is
my penis is this long
my penis is 4 inches long when it is erected
my penis is erect
my penis is smaller than when i was in my 20ies
my penis is highly sensitive and i can't last long
my penis is very sensitive
my penis is big
my penis is only 5" long and i am 16 years of age is that too small or does it still have time to grow??
my penis is about five inches in length when erect
my penis is my way of being part of the crowd
my penis is remarkable i mean my penis has a remarkable following hordes of adoring fans really on a planet that isn't in our solar
my penis is one color throughout
my penis is very curved down
my penis is hardly ever hard; im only 16
my penis is huge
my penis is now 18cm and the girth 15cm
my penis is very small when not erected
my penis is in
my penis is getting pretty large
my penis is not erect and even then the tip tends to bend down slightly
my penis is large
my penis is growing
my penis is harder than when we were 1st married and our sex is better than ever
my penis is getting old
my penis is straight it actually is 8 inches long
my penis is like a thermometer
my penis is a different matter
my penis is on the internet now at 02
my penis is too small?
my penis is really big
my penis is much more attractive than it was
my penis is well and healthy
my penis is too little
my penis is red and infected
my penis is now becoming bigger and bigger
my penis is already longer and thicker
my penis is 6 1/2 inches
my penis is hard for the women
my penis is crooked and has bumps on it
my penis is not circumsized and im enbarresed about it re
my penis is a
my penis is the biggest i've ever seen it
my penis is not entirely straight
my penis is very small
my penis is not normal? the dark line is from my circumcision?
my penis is going to start getting
my penis is bent on erection and i am tightly circumcised
my penis is numb posted on friday
my penis is now nearly 8"
my penis is not enormous
my penis is now straight and bigger and has gained about 1 cm in girth
my penis is not really scary at all but i have met girls who are afraid of penisses that are un
my penis is erected
my penis is the one true path of salvation
my penis is straight it's actually 8 inches long
my penis is hard it is 8" long i am fortunate in that department this also helps me reach my prostate which if you get in there that far you be screaming
my penis is not of a fixed length? sometimes

...oh man i need help.

woah

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 00:31:04 GMT

you guys know how long it's been since i've posted?

me neither, i cant count past 20.

unless of course there are other people around me with which i can use their fingers.

my mop smells like jolly ranchers.

twitchhhh

mecca of baldness

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 18:53:07 GMT

since meadows wasn't there yesterday, me and budde decided to have some sword duels.

we got together a large candy-kane, my latin project (wooden sword), a meter-stick, and a large rectangular cardboard box.

budde proved proficient with the large cardboard box of ed-slaying while i used the divine meter-stick of justice to slash and poke my way to victory.

in the process we destroyed meadows's's cardboard box and meterstick.

if he asks me anything he's catching a wig.

....baldy.

only poseurs die, bob

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 19:56:00 GMT

the first few hours of snow this morning cancelled school, and it always feels so good to know that you can sleep in...but it feels even better to sleep in when you're not suppose to.

weird how that works out.

so anyway i decided that today i was just gonna chill and watch slc punk.

it really made me think.. i dunno, it gives me this weird philosophical feeling about the world. it brings a new light to what people listen to in music and how they conduct their lives in aspiration and devotion to ideals...and then theres all these underlying themes of beauty is the end and everything changes. i prolly sound really moronic or simple...but i dont feel like going into specifics here. that part at the end where bob dies really gets to me, brings a tear to my eye.

Tue, 27 Jan 2004 00:10:31 GMT

UH-UH FLUSH.

BREAK IT DOWN, B-B-B-BREAK IT DOWN, DOWN DOWN SON DOWN.

UNF UNF.

ALLL RIGHT. TAKE IT EAASAY.

someone comment, god.

here you can say anything and then i'll quickly retort it with hilarious results.

do it.

sshhhwump.

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 21:07:26 GMT

since im too lazy to find a remote site to load pics off of.

here's what my hair looks like when me and spod rub it.

---\\##\//##\\//
--\\/#/#\//##///#/
-\/##//\#\\//##///\/
-( |#__(o)__(o)__#| )....<--cracked out
----#_____>______#
----------0

actually its a lot bigger

schhwoop *fro*

"THERE IS NO...EMOTICON....TO EXPRESS HOW I AM FEELING"
-comic book store guy

The Smoke-off

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 18:47:58 GMT

In the laid back California town of sunny San Rafael
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, you prob’ly knew her well.
She’d been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll.
Her legend finally reached New York, that Grove Street walk-up flat
Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid, a beatnik from the past
With long browned lightnin’ fingers he takes a cultured toke
And says, “Hell, I can roll ‘em faster, Jim, than any chick can smoke!”

So a note gets sent to San Rafael, “For the Championship of the World
The Kid demands a smoke off!” "Well, bring him on!" says Pearl,
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands, he'll roll until he drops!"
Says Calistog, "I'll smoke that twist till she blows up and pops!”
So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread
"Come one, come all, who walk or crawl, price – just two lids a head
And from every town and hamlet, over land and sea they speed
The world's greatest dopers, with the Worlds greatest weed
Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru
And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo
And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo.

See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise, lace, and leather
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin’ all together
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
To the old man who smoked “reefer” back before it was a crime
And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries
Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds.
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl, ready for their smokin' war
At a table piled up high with grass, as high as a mountain peak
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers, not one stem, branch or seed.

Maui Wowie, Panama Red and Acapulco Gold.
Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold.
Sticks from Thailand, Ganja from the Islands, and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best.
And some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West.
Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs.
And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers.
And there's bubblin’ ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches.
And there's Hershey’s bars, and Oreos, ‘case anybody gets the munchies.
And the Calistoga Kid, he sneers, and Pearly, she just grins.
And the drums roll low and the crowd yells “GO!” and the world’s first Smoke Off begins.

Kid flicks his magic fingers once and ZAP! that first joint’s rolled.
Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and WOOSH! that roach is cold.
Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that’d paralyze a moose.
And Pearley takes one super hit and SLURP! that bomb’ defused.
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine,
And everybody sits back and says, "This just might take some time."
See the blur of flyin’ fingers, see the red coal burnin’ bright
As the night turns into mornin’ and the mornin’ fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
But the two still sit on that roach-filled stage, smokin' and rollin' on
With tremblin’ hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze, and puffs through blistered lips.
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
The Kid he gasps, "Goddamn it, bitch, there's nothin' left to roll!"
"Nothin’ left to roll?", screams Pearl, "Is this some twisted joke?”
“I didn't come here to fuck around, man, I come here to SMOKE!"
And she reaches 'cross the table And grabs his bony sleeves
And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves
Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach.
And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke.

In the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael
Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, you prob’ly know her well.
She’s been stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years, and the story’s widely told.
How she still can smoke them faster than anyone can roll
While off in New York City on a street that has no name.
There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame
And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll
That says, Beware of Bein’ the Roller When There's Nothin’ Left to Roll.

...i'm not a stoner, this is a good poem.

Sun, 18 Jan 2004 21:21:29 GMT

i wish this weekend will never end.

god damn school.

why can't school just disappear for a couple months so i can spend my weekend knowing that it wont end for a long, long time.

also the world is way to fucking noisy

i need a mute button

a big red one that i can keep in my pocket

and when people talk or i hear a vacuum cleaner or some stupid chick is yelling some unimportant combination of slang words and obscenities to her friend

i can press it

*boink*